"Pelangi senja...kecapi keindahannya biar seketika"

(I was 4 months old  the time this picture taken)

After my mum body was laid down into the ground, I turned to mountain and shouted “God…I hate you…I hate  you!” 

For the last few months before God called my mum home, this word was very cleared to me “Be prepared…”. Ya, with her condition, I asked myself to “be prepared” for any circumstances might be happened. The worst thing was, when I’m away from Malaysia or somewhere else. Yes…I did prepared myself, but honestly …I was very scared of the things might gonna be happened.

I could not sleep as usual ( Not yet back to the normal pattern till today). I called her early morning before I left for our-FES Jubilee day that Saturday morning. Just asked how she is doing. So, that was the last time I heard her voice. Mum reminded me about my traveling. I told her, “just why I brought Lakai and Diana here, to celebrate the ministry Jubilee, one way, how  I want to thanks both of them. I know they need to sacrifice  many things when I’m away.” She said, “Good, family first!”.  But , thanks God, I was here when this thing happen! I still remembered how my dad voice that early morning told me of the news. I know Dad was so sad because, he supposed to be there next to my mum but my mum asked him to stay back in Lawas and need not to go to see her since she had being moved to refer at Samarinda (Indonesia Kalimantan Timur) heart specialist. 

Ya…for now, if friends ask me, “How are you?”. Honestly, I don’t know how to answer that. Yes…I said OK or Bagus (Good)…but I don’t  really meant it. Ya, maybe I need some time to answer “Allah ku dahsyat, luar biasa, yes-yes-yes…” (Sarawak young people punya jawapan when you ask “apa khabar?”.

Through my own reflection of what’s happening to my family for the past 2 years. I have a lot of questions. Why? Why? Why?...and it remind me of my son Lakai, why this? Why that? And why-why-why? This story flashed in ( Luke 18:15-17). I know God really loves mum, and I can say that…”Mum you had finished the race, and now you are there with Him”. 

I met different people in town even on Facebook. They shared the same thought as me. Some commend really encouraged me and confirmed how my mum run the race with full of commitment and humbly enough. Thanks God, who is my mum strength, when she was really weak,  my mum companion when  she far away from the love one, my mum joy, when she was very sick, my mum friend, when no one to turn to and most of all my mum glorious and mighty God over the time of storm in our family. Now my mum knows and understands why these “tragedy” happened to the family. 

Thanks my Brothers and sisters for your pray and support during this time. Sangat diperlukan (Really need it). If you ask me today, “How are you?”, I think you may know what will be my answer kan? I think, only one thing I regret. I could not spend much time with mum even though I put In my calendar this year, my cuti go back to Lawas or Miri to see her. It is like “Pelangi Senja”- muncul hanya seketika…so, if we still have a time, please do spend your time with the love one…walau seketika. Because dia muncul hanya seketika…

And HE told me…”I know you Peter…I love you”. With smile…(after I said “God I hate you…”)